us being single and mapili

the past few days i have been reading blogs about relationships, sexcapades, and rantings about us (gays as ever) always ends up being single. reading more about rantings on being single, its perks, its downsides, and our attitude towards it made me muse over things. are we really to blame? are we the reasons why we feel lonely? or was it destiny (as if i believe in such) that made us like this?

i have been in the dating circle since i started having sex and out of it (sometimes) when i am in a relationship. i obligingly placed my self in the "singles market" in hopes for "the one", a serious relationship, companionship, or just no bullshit awesome sex. usually it ends up with the last choice - the search for an awesome sex. we just want the sexual itch to be given attention to and dealt with. after my share of sexcapades, i realized one thing: why is it easy for us to look for people to address our sexual itch with than to look for "the one"? why is it we lower our standards for the itch to be attended to? why do we set our standards so high for "the one"? are we really that mapili when it comes to our search for partner in life?

we rant about being lonely but we keep on pushing people away. we push them away because we feel that the person is below the standards we set for "the one" and later end up sobbing because we feel lonely again. as a close friend put it: "tayo kase parang gago din minsan. hanap tayo ng hanap ng taong magmamahal sa atin pero pag may dumating sisipain palabas kasi di papasa sa standards natin, kse may nakita tayong mali sa kanya, kse iniisip natin na kung di papasa sa standards di na tayo mamahalin or di na natin kayang mahalin. di man lang nating binigyan ng pagkakataon ang sarili natin na mahalin ng taong to. back out na tayo agad kse may kapintasang nakita. sa kakahanap natin ng pag-ibig using the standards that we have, ayun mr. lonely ang drama ng mga hitad. after nun, balik nanaman sa search for a good shag for us to feel better." after recalling that, i paused for a while looked back and nodded not in agreement but in disappointment. are we really like that?

Demanding that gays feel but not fulfill is not Christian, it is sadistic.” - corado de quiros

[Conrado de Quiros on sex outside marriage, and gay love. As usual with de Quiros -- beautiful, beautiful article. Here's an excerpt.]

“The idea of a couple, married or not, having sex in order to procreate is hilarious. It conjures the image of them hard at it (no pun intended for the male partner), enduring the ordeal, determined only like soldiers pinned down in trenches to persevere out of a sense of duty and finally to break through in one great rush. What a perverse and joyless act that is. I doubt any Christian, short of an ascetic, will fill the bill.

“Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to ecstasy? Whatever happened to two people, straight or gay, bonded by feelings that cannot be expressed by words, needing to express themselves to each other by flinging themselves into each other�s arms and surrendering themselves into a consummation devoutly to be wished? Surely that is part of the magic of life?

“Which brings me to the argument that the Church is not proscribing against gays, it is merely proscribing against gays acting as gays, or that it is not demanding that gays do not get attracted to other gays, it is merely demanding that gays do not act on it. I don�t know about you but I found Ang Lee�s �Brokeback Mountain� to be an honest-to-goodness love story, ranking up there with �When Harry Met Sally� and �Sleepless in Seattle.� Gays do fall in love too, and what I figure is unnatural is to compel them on the ground that it is perverse or that they cannot procreate to abort it. There is nothing more natural than love in whatever form it takes. Sex is not overrated, procreation is. Demanding that gays feel but not fulfill is not Christian, it is sadistic.”

to the previous one

to the one i have loved....

love the way you lie part two
rihanna featuring eminem

[Rihanna]
On the first page of our story
the future seemed so bright
then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes
but you'll always be my hero
even though you've lost your mind

[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
but that's all right because I like the way it hurts
just gonna stand there and hear me cry
but that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

[Rihanna]
Now there's gravel in our voices
glass is shattered from the fight
in this tug of war, you'll always win
even when I'm right
'cause you feed me fables from your hand
with violent words and empty threats
and it's sick that all these battles
are what keeps me satisfied

[Chorus]

[Rihanna]
So maybe I'm a masochist
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
til the walls are goin' up
in smoke with all our memories

[Eminem]
This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
hush baby, speak softly, tell me I'll be sorry
that you pushed me into the coffee table last night
so I can push you off me
try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy
baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me
then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me
then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we
know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs
that we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky
together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills,
you hit me twice, yeah, but who's countin'?
I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count
but together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain
our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counsellin'
this house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand
square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it
with you I'm in my f-ckin' mind, without you, I'm out it